It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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