Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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