I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
