She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
