Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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