I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
