I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
