So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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