he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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