You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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