this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
