Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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