Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
