I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
