My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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