Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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