if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
