I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
