am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
