He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Alive.
So much puke
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
