i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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