I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
