I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
