so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
