i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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