her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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