After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
