I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
