I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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