The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
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My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
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Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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