the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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