I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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