I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
