Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
