On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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