Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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