I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
