I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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