Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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