I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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