i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
