Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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