He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
