R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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