Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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