covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!