also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
