i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender