Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
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I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling