do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
