WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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