Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
