My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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