Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
