im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Randomize
