I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
