Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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