So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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