P.S. I can't hear my feet
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Barsexuality is the new black.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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