who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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