Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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