I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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