Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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