you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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