Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Randomize
