Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
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No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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