Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
